Am I being abusive?

Abuse can happen in any relationship and it isn't gender specific. While this site is focused on helping men who are in abusive relationships, a relationship takes two to make it work.

In an abusive relationship, both individuals are responsible for their actions and behaviour, including you. Whether or not you are suffering from abuse, your behaviour could also be abusive.

You may not even realise you are being abusive.

Talk to someone The problem for men

Signs that you might be abusive

Here are some common behaviours that an abuser might be using.

Constantly criticising

You are constantly criticising your partner for what they have or haven't done.

You are controlling

You are dictating what your partner can and can't do, who you are partner can and can't see. You are monitoring their movements.

You are frightening your loved ones

You are shouting, threatening your loved ones and isolating yourself from them.

You withhold care and attention

You are purposefully withholding care and attention from your partner until they submit to your demands.

You are controlling access to money

You are controlling access to your partners bank accounts and money.

You start most of the arguments

You are starting all of the arguments in the house, perhaps over something very minor.

Abuse vs Reaction

An abuser will use these behaviours as a way to dominate to avoid being dominated. They will use these tactics without provocation to ensure their loved ones submit to their demands.

A victim reacting to this abuse could also be exhibiting these behaviours because they feel threatened and are trying to dominate to avoid being dominated.

This is why Domestic Abuse becomes insidious - once it is in the house, if both partners of a relationship are feeing threatened by the others actions, they may resort to abusive behaviour to protect themselves.

Realise your behaviours - break the cycle

You may or may not be the aggressor in the household. But your behaviour can be abusive, and if the aggressor continues to be abusive, the cycle continues.

What keeps abusive relationships together is that both partners loved each other at one point. If there are children involved, no one wants to leave their children.

What makes this situation more difficult is that an abuser may continue to restrict a victims access to support services and professional help, because they are frightened about what the support network may say.

You can't control that. But what you can do is address your behaviour.