Manipulation is designed to covertly influence others into doing someone elses bidding, and most women are very good at it. It is their survival mechanism. They will use a range of tactics and tools to manipulate, from charm to emotions, from guilt to vulnerability.
A healthy awareness of manipulation will allow you to consider what is being done to you. Saying no is a complete sentence. How others react to your actions to your actions is there problem, not yours.
If however you are a man who just wants to help and please everyone, you may well not be aware of manipulation. If you are a man and you are not equipped to deal with manipulation, that will make your relationship difficult to deal with. If you are a man and you are not equipped to deal with manipulation from an abusive and controlling partner, things can get very difficult for you.
If you are being asked to do something, be something or feel that you are under intense pressure to do something against your own will and better judgement, it is OK to say no. You don't even have to explain yourself. "No" is a complete sentence. How the other person reacts to that no is their problem, not yours.
What you are probably frightened about is how your "no" could be used against you as proof that you are uncooperative, unhelpful, lazy and selfish. It could also be used against you as evidence that you are abusive. People pleasing people are afraid to say no for this reason - they don't want others to have a negative opinion of them.
Abusive partners however can still be manipulative. Instead of finding men who will reject them, they will find men who don't. But men who don't, the people pleasers and the overly friendly ones, are 'easy prey'.
Once an abusive partner have the man, they know they can break down their boundaries, and turn them into a 'real man'. If you are reading this, and thinking 'this is me' - have you ever heard your female partner say "be more of a man"? If the answer is yes, you're already there.
Abusive women want to 'mould' you into a man that they didn't want in the first place because a 'real man' isn't afraid to say no. But you are. And they know that. If you ever say no, you will be threatened and shouted at.
If you are already in a relationship with an abusive woman, you have two options - address the abuse with a conversation, or leave. If addressing the abuse leads to escalation, it is time to leave. Here are the signs where manipulation has turned into abuse:
There is help out there for men who feel they are being abused. See the helplines page and what is abuse for advice.